That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
