I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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