Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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