Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
