I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
