Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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