Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
