I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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