Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
