i wish peter jackson would direct porn
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
being pregnant is like rehab
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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