I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
