we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
