i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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