he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize