So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
