you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
