If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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