we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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