That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
