8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dicks are not precious.
we're so committed to being not committed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
