I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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