i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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