All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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