I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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