your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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