eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
