Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
