Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
