you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I won the penis lottery.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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