Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
