and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize