So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
