i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
