so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
