once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
