so that wasnt chicken after all
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize