Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
