So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize