so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
