I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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