He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Come on in and take your pants off
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