thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
