is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
