I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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