Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
