it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
