No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
