I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize