Don't EVER smell your tampon
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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