I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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