its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
