GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
