He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
