6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
