I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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