In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize