is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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