I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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