Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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