wrigley field is MILF paradise
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
