my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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