okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
