look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He shit in the fireplace
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
