haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
