He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
