You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
