I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
