cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
