Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
