The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
