I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
