I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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