five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
