My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
